Crying Over Spilled Milk

Today, I cry. I cry for many reasons. Mostly for the reason of my dear sweet baby love turning 1 on Sunday. I am crying now as I even type it. I am not even sure why this is so hard for me. Maybe because she is no longer a little baby? Maybe because she is walking now? Maybe because she says DADDY all the time and it's starting to hurt my feelings?

I have been thinking a lot lately about when/if to have another baby. I am totally content with having just Harper. She is so perfect in every way. She slept through the night at like 6 weeks old. She travels VERY WELL. She can sleep through anything. She eats any fruit and veggie I put in front of her. She isn't scared of dogs, big or small. She has the sweetest little voice in the world. She smiles constantly. I just can't get enough of her. Sometimes, I lay in her room on her floor waiting for her to wake up from her nap so we can play. She is just a pure joy.

Then I start to think, what about Harper. Would she want a sibling? Does she want a playmate for the rest of her life? Maybe a sister, a best friend that she can tell secrets to and giggle all night? Maybe she wants a brother to pick on and build forts with outside? It's a really hard decision. Do I want to be pregnant again? And start ALL OVER with another baby? It's a lot of work. Harper is at the age now that she is getting more and more independent. And I LOVE IT! As I sit here with kleenex in one hand and typing with the other... what am I going to do now with a 1 YEAR OLD?!?!?! WHY AM I CRYING!??! Is it because I know she spilled milk all over her crib? And she then fell asleep in her crib, so I have to wait to clean it? Is it because I now have a toddler? A very active one at that! Lord help us.

Needless to say, I love you sweet baby of mine. I am so blessed God let me be your mama. You are truly a joy in my life. I will protect you with everything I have. I can't wait to see who you become.