Crying Over Spilled Milk

Today, I cry. I cry for many reasons. Mostly for the reason of my dear sweet baby love turning 1 on Sunday. I am crying now as I even type it. I am not even sure why this is so hard for me. Maybe because she is no longer a little baby? Maybe because she is walking now? Maybe because she says DADDY all the time and it's starting to hurt my feelings?

I have been thinking a lot lately about when/if to have another baby. I am totally content with having just Harper. She is so perfect in every way. She slept through the night at like 6 weeks old. She travels VERY WELL. She can sleep through anything. She eats any fruit and veggie I put in front of her. She isn't scared of dogs, big or small. She has the sweetest little voice in the world. She smiles constantly. I just can't get enough of her. Sometimes, I lay in her room on her floor waiting for her to wake up from her nap so we can play. She is just a pure joy.

Then I start to think, what about Harper. Would she want a sibling? Does she want a playmate for the rest of her life? Maybe a sister, a best friend that she can tell secrets to and giggle all night? Maybe she wants a brother to pick on and build forts with outside? It's a really hard decision. Do I want to be pregnant again? And start ALL OVER with another baby? It's a lot of work. Harper is at the age now that she is getting more and more independent. And I LOVE IT! As I sit here with kleenex in one hand and typing with the other... what am I going to do now with a 1 YEAR OLD?!?!?! WHY AM I CRYING!??! Is it because I know she spilled milk all over her crib? And she then fell asleep in her crib, so I have to wait to clean it? Is it because I now have a toddler? A very active one at that! Lord help us.

Needless to say, I love you sweet baby of mine. I am so blessed God let me be your mama. You are truly a joy in my life. I will protect you with everything I have. I can't wait to see who you become.

Airforce Wife, Airforce Life

I remember the day David's boss at his squadron back home called me. He already had David in his office and he placed me on the speaker phone so he could talk to both of us. I was at this point, 37 weeks pregnant with our daughter Harper. As I sat on our bed and listened to him talk, all I could think was... "Oklahoma can't be THAT bad." I wish I would have listened a little more closely as to what he was actually saying. I did hear that this year... from June 2013 to July 2014 was going to be the toughest year of our marriage. That what we used to know as "normal" was out the window. Mind you, Harper was due June 2, 2013. We were planning on driving to start our new life in Oklahoma on June 12th. It was crunch time. David was gone until May 31st. That night, he came home and I went into full blown labor about 2 hours later. Harper was born on June 1, 2013. The week and a half that we were home was a blur. Plus, she was in the NICU for 2 days which seemed like a lot more than it actually was. She was healthy, just having some difficulty breathing. The drive to Oklahoma was one I will never forget. Here we were, new parents, moving across the country, not knowing anyone or anything. We would stop every 3 hours to feed Harper and let Sadie, our dog, out and to stretch our legs. After 4 days of traveling... we arrived. We arrived to Enid, Oklahoma. Our new home.

We chose to live on base, which, I am so happy we did. However, our furniture and belongings didn't get to Oklahoma until about 3 weeks out. Which, i am sure you are thinking... so what? It's just furniture. Well... think about it. We had a newborn. We had a dog. I had JUST given birth... so I was not myself. David started working. It was JUNE in OKLAHOMA. I had maybe 4 pairs of clothes and the same for Harper and David. We had an air mattress and 2 lawn chairs. No TV. We didn't even get internet hooked up until a week after being there. I knew no one. I didn't have a stroller, so I couldn't go on walks. I didn't even have my front pack with me to carry Harper in. It was awful. BUT we DID survive! Barely. ;) I joke. I will tell you this. Never in my life, would I know that I would meet people here that I call family. NEVER. I was always told we would.. but I just couldn't picture it. I thought, yeah, I am sure we will meet some nice people. But I have truly met soul sisters and people I just couldn't live without. Lesley- She is the world traveler. She is a flight attendant for Delta. She will literally travel the country with you to make sure you are safe and feel safe. Lesbo, as we call her (no, she isn't a lesbian but for some reason, the name caught on), is the most laid back person I have ever met. She could care less what time it is, and as frustrating as it is for me at times, I adore it in her and secretly wish I could be like that. She has no problem walking into a place 20 minutes or an hour-two hours late. You can't ever be mad at her either because she is so sweet. Her cooking and baking is to die for. She is a tough cookie but yet, very sensitive wether she likes to admit that or not. Stacie- Probably one of the best cooks I know. She is very fun and down for anything you have up your sleeve. She specializes in parties and is an amazing host. She has been all around the world and made so many friends, I can't keep up with her. We didn't like each other at first introduction. She thought I was snotty and I thought she was way too pretty and belonged at a winery. Once we got to know each other (because we had to, our husbands took off and we had no choice but to talk to one another) we instantly clicked. Funny how first impressions are so off. She is so loving and truly cares about whatever is going on in your life. She will step in to take care of baby girl if needed, no matter how uncomfortable it might make her feel. She wasn't too keen on Harper when we first met. It could have been because Harper was so tiny, or maybe she just didn't like babies. It took her a long time to build the amazing friendship the two have acquired. It actually gets me a little teary-eyed just thinking about it. Sarah- Where to begin. This one is a spit-fire. She is.. by far.. the most passionate person I have ever met in my life. She is hilarious. Very sweet, but also has a spicy side in her. She is pregnant right now with a baby girl, Amelia. We cannot wait to meet her precious babe. I know she will be a great mom. Sarah is always down for watching Harper and is 100% Texan... if that explains anything. Plus, she has legs that go for days and it makes me incredibly jealous. She is so stylish and she is going to be the hip, in style mom I wish I was. You know the ones, that look great at all times and make it look easy. She is so up to date with fashion. I love it and I love her. Katy- Katy is the base sweetheart. She is so sweet and speaks so soft. She can bake a mean cheesecake and really any kind of sweets. She has a dog named Lana that absolutely loves Sadie and can't get enough of. Katy is the kind of girl that you could always count on to watch a baby, let a dog out, or just stop by to check on you. She, herself, is in the air force and just recently moved to Wichita for work. I am sure we will still see her on the weekends, as her husband Sean is still at Vance. Jenny- She is the doctor of the group. She is a PA and is always great to get advice from. She is also the one who will go with you to a colonoscopy and make sure everyone around you is doing what they should be. She rocks. She just got married to her man, Joe, and they recently adopted a yellow lab puppy named Bailey. Bailey makes us all want another dog. It is so cute to see new parents with puppies. I remember being that cautious and caring so much for Sadie... those days are long gone! Aven- Aven is the pilot. She is tough but also gentle. I have seen her shining in all her glory and I have seen her when she looks like she is going to melt down. She has had her ups and downs this year, thats for sure. She is a great baker as well. She is always bringing us cookies... which is great, but my pants would disagree. She is married to a Russian professional tennis player named Vlad. They make a great couple. They have a dog named Goofy, which fits his personality. I don't even know what breed that silly dog is, but he looks like something that got lost from his Pharaoh owner in Egyptian years. Cat- I wish I would have been able to get to know her more than I did. She is so fun and nice.She can out dance the best of us on the game Dance Central and makes a mean cheese fondue. She started pilot training and realized quickly that flying just wasn't for her. She has so much courage for making that tough decision. Her husband, Tony, is a civilian pilot and quit his job so she could follow her dreams. Plus, they have matching track suits that totally make them one of the coolest couples I know. They left Vance as Cat received a new job in Denver, Colorado. They are both missed bunches.

What people don't realize is that all these people in our life here in Oklahoma, they are all going through the same thing. It's hard to explain. We don't see our husbands but maybe an hour or 2 a day. They work 12 hour days. If they are having a great day, they are able to come home, eat, maybe talk a bit, and then study for the remainder of the evening. We usually get Saturday to hang out. Sundays are full of studying or flying to catch up. The guys can tend to be a little stressed out. If they have a bad day, or "hook" a flight, meaning they failed a flight or a check ride... it can be a rough night, or week. Us girls have learned to band together. We all know what the other one is going through. I feel like it makes us have more an understanding and more love for one another. When one girl is on the brink of a melt down, we all get together and talk it out. I love each and every one of these girls and would do anything for them. My love for them is deep like family. I will miss them all so much when I leave here. I know, however, that our friendship will continue on for many years to come. It just will never be the same.

Air Force Wife?

You got it! David was accepted into the United States Air Force Reserve. :) He is being sworn in this weekend. His dates are still not posted on when he leaves, but I honestly don't care. just knowing we are moving forward with this whole process has been one of the biggest weights lifted off of us. Praise Jesus!We are going up to the base this weekend to watch his ceremony. I am so proud of him! I am almost officially an Air Force Wife! Yayyyyy!!! I will try to keep you all posted on more about what he is having to do and when he gets his dates for OTS (Officer Training School.) So.Happy.Right.Now.

What's on This Crazy Mind

I have now been off Facebook for almost 4 months and I can't explain to you how "freeing" it is. I just love not being consumed with it. You know what I love the most? I NEVER start a conversation like "Did you read on Facebook about So and So?" OR in the middle of a conversation, I never say "Yeah, I saw that on Facebook!" I love it! I LOVE IT I LOVE IT!!!!! Now that is said and done, I also miss it. I miss knowing what everyone is doing. However it has made me more aware of how to communicate using other methods. Like the telephone. Or having lunch with people. Ah, the good ol days. :) Will I ever get back on Facebook? No, probably not. Now that I have all this free time, I can blog, play in my garden, and focus on things that actually matter in my life. We even got rid of our television. Well, ok, not our actual T.V. but the Dish Network. We have about 4 channels. If we want to watch something else, we do have Netflix, but we are rarely watching either device. Addison Jean is now 15 months old already. Could she be any sweeter? Seriously. She is a doll. I can never kiss her enough and love on her. She is my princess. She has given our family a whole new love. My brother is possibly the best dad on earth. David still hasn't heard yet from the AirForce, July 13th is our day to find out his dates and if he made the cut. Still waiting for that date to start our family. I am a planner ya know! Can't wait until the end of July. Celebrating my grandparent's 61st wedding anniversary and of course, seeing my favorite sister in the whole wide world. Its been so hot here lately, not that I am complaining, but it has made me realize how not that skinny I am. When nothing fits right and I am sweating constantly, I feel like I notice this more and more. Why is it that girls can't just be okay with how they look/feel? I am not saying I am fat by any means, but I wouldn't mind being a little smaller ;) OH WELL, I am over that already. I am ready to not be working... that is for sure. As much as I love my job, I would also love being home and raising kids or watching Addi Jean. Bleh! Oh well, soon enough I hope. Off to go play in my yard with our Sadie dog. I will keep everyone posted on how this next Friday turns out!

Patience is a virtue?

Well, we are still currently waiting to hear from the air force to see if and when David leaves. The national board met last week to make their final cut. Only 35 out of the 50 applicants will be hired on. He was sponsored by the McCord airforce base in Tacoma Washington, but the national board holds all the cards. I am exhausted. I honestly don't know how I will react if he doesn't get in. Right now, I can't even think that way or I will have a panic attack. I will keep everyone posted on what the outcome is. Hopefully this week! It is getting harder for me to be happy for all the pregnant people in my life. Call it selfish or jealousy, but it's difficult. Mostly, because I feel like we are taking all these steps to make sure everything is "right" whatever that means, and then everywhere I look, someone is pregnant that isn't taking the "right" steps. Frustrating. That's the best word for it. My heart aches to be able to have David's baby. To look down and hold a love that I so crave. I will continue to wait because I have to.... But I'm not happy about it! Lol. As for something else? I get to see my sweet sister this summer for a week. I can not wait to have fun memories and laugh until I pee. I miss having that one person that can totally get me. I mean, I have awesome friends, don't get me wrong. But there is something about having that one person in your life that I honestly feels like is connected to me. Even though we aren't technically sisters, I think of us as just that. Yahhhhhhhh for July!

Slowly breathing

People tell me all the time, patience is a virtue. Obviously they have either never met me... Or don't know me well. I hate waiting for anything. We are still waiting on the AirForce. I am ready to start our family. I am ready to be a mom. It Is getting harder for me to bite my tongue lately when I have so much negative support on the subject. I have heard everything from how I should wait until David is done with all his training to you should have kids in your thirties. I get that some people just want to give their opinion, but I guess I am done listening unless it is a positive reinforcement on the decision David and I have made. We know what we want and what we are willing to do to have it. Now why can't everyone else see that? I am believing for great things to happen to us in the next few months, wether we have everyone's support or not. We are going to be awesome parents with amazing children. I am going to be the best mom I know how to be. I will conquer this new season in our life. I will learn to breathe in slowly and do what is right for us. Not what I think everyone else wants me to do, But what David and I want to do. David gets his orders in june and from that moment on, our lives will never be the same. We are looking ahead And moving in an awesome direction. Wow, two years of trying to get into the AirForce and it is now only a couple of weeks away. Yesssssss! No, for the record, we are not currently pregnant. :)

All Is Clear

So I had my procedure done this week. A lovely colonoscopy. What a challenge that was! I guess, like everyone says, the worst part of the whole thing was the drink. After that was finished, it was a breeze. I remember laying in the bed at the surgery room and thinking, there is no way they can knock me out that fast... and then I was waking up. The next thing I remembered was the doctor coming in telling me everything looked great. They found a polyp and removed it. Some how, and it still boggles my mind, I have skin tags up there and that is what has been making me so uncomfortable the past 3 months. So I am on medication right now and feel great. A little gassy, but great! I am looking forward to getting back to my eating habits and working out again. :)